Autor Tópico: Random jokes  (Lida 1420 vezes)

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Offline Herf

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Random jokes
« Online: 18 de Dezembro de 2008, 16:29:21 »
God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a companion for man as well. He comes to see Adam and says to him, "Adam, you are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg." Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, "What could I get for a rib?"

***

The children had all been photographed in school, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor'." A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

***

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note: "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

***

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.

"Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

***

A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.

"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."

"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?"

The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.

***

Q: Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife?
A: Neither has he.

Offline Eremita

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Re: Random jokes
« Resposta #1 Online: 25 de Janeiro de 2009, 07:19:41 »
Q:   What's a WASP's idea of open-mindedness?
A:   Dating a Canadian.

Q:   Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A:   You do all of the work and the fat guy in the suit
   gets all the credit.

Q:   What do you call a blind pre-historic animal?
A:   Diyathinkhesaurus.

Q:   What do you call a blind pre-historic animal with a dog?
A:   Diyathinkhesaurus Rex.

Q:   Why do ducks have big flat feet?
A:   To stamp out forest fires.

Q:   Why do elephants have big flat feet?
A:   To stamp out flaming ducks.

Do not blame me for these... blame Wanda the Fish.
É uma aflição das mais estressantes ter um coração sentimental e uma mente cética. - Naguib Mahfouz

Offline uiliníli

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Re: Random jokes
« Resposta #2 Online: 14 de Novembro de 2010, 01:24:43 »
People who masturbate, on average, are unemployed. (ie. they can't get a blow job or a hand job.)


 

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