Tópico: Citações do South Park

[Alenônimo]

Lembrei de algumas partes da série animada do South Park que criticam bastante as religiões ou as seitas. Que tal se a gente citasse alguns trechos aqui?

Sister Anne: Hello, children! I'm Sister Anne and I'll be teaching you so that you can all receive your first communion!

Stan: ARE WE GONNA GO TO HELL?!

Sister Anne: Well, hopefully not! That's why you're gonna need to receive communion!

Cartman: A'and as long as we get this communion thing, we're safe?!

Stan: What if we haven't really done anything that horribly bad in our lives?!

Cartman: Yeah! What if we hadn't!

Sister Anne: It doesn't matter, because we are all born with original sin! Now, let me explain how communion works! (takes out a plate of communion waffers. picks one up.) The priest will give you this round cracker and he will say "The body of Christ.", and then you eat it!

Cartman: Jesus was made of crackers?!

Sister Anne: No!

Stan: But crackers are his body!

Sister Anne: Yes!

Kenny: {What?!}

Sister Anne: In the book of Mark, Jesus distributed bread and said, "Eat this, for it is my body"!

Cartman: So, we won't go to Hell as long as we eat crackers!

Sister Anne: No, no, no, no!

Butters: W'well, what're we eatin' then?!

Sister Anne: The body of Christ!

Stan: Nononono! I get it! Jesus wanted us to eat him, but he didn't want us to be cannibals, so he turned himself into crackers, and then told people to eat'im!

Sister Anne: No!

Stan: No?!

Butters: Uh, I can't whistle if I eat too many crackers!

Sister Anne: Look, all you have to know is that when the priest give you the cracker, you eat it! Okay?!

Kenny, Stan, & Cartman: (a little confused.) Okay!

Sister Anne: And then, you will drink a very small amount of wine, for that is the Blood of Christ!

Cartman: Aw, come on, now! This is just getting silly!

Sister Anne: Eric, d'you wanna go to Hell?!

Cartman: No!

Sister Anne: Then stop questioning me!

[John]

south park é sem dúvida o melhor desenho animado que existe

[Alenônimo]

Episódio 6-08 - Red-Hot Catholic Love

As pessoas estão preocupadas com as condutas pedófilas dos padres. Então eles se organizam para debater o assunto:

[Diocesan headquarters, day. Sixteen priests are present in the boardroom, with Fatherh Maxi presiding]
Priest Maxi:   Fathers, I want to thank you all for coming.
Priest 1:   [African-American] No, thank you for finally organizing an all-priests meeting, Father Maxi. I think we all agree something has to be done, quickly. [the other priests concur]
Elderly Priest:   Well, I don't know how it's been for all of you, but attendance at my church in Fort Rawlins is down sixty-three precent! [pounds on the table for emphasis]
Priest 2:   I'm down almost seventy in Greenleaf.
Priest Maxi:   Uh-yes, uh, I'm afraid if things keep going the way they are, we could lose our entire religion.
Elderly Priest:   Yes, we've gotta stop these boys from goin' to the public!
Fat Priest:   They've gotta know to keep their mouths shut!
Other priests:   That right, yeah.
Priest Maxi:   Right, and so... wa- wait a minute. What?
Priest 1:   Yes, but we've got to find out why these children are suddenly finding it necessary to report that they're being molested. Stop the problem at its source.
Priest 2:   Yes, but how?
Priest 3:   [amid discussion] Somethng has to be done.
Priest 4:   We've got to stop this-
Priest Maxi:   [rising] Whoa, whoa, hold on a second! The problem is that children are being molested, not that they're reporting it! [all fall silent]
Elderly Priest:   How do you mean?
Priest Maxi:   Well, I mean, obviously, what we need to put a stop to is all the sexual misconduct that is allowed to take place in our churches, and not just tell the children not to tell anybody about it. I mean, right?
Priest 1:   Well did any of the children you've molested come forward?
Priest Maxi:   No.
Priest 1:   Well, that's good.
Priest Maxi:   No, I mean! I've never molested any of the children in my church!
Elderly Priest:   Hih-it's okay, Father Maxi. We're all priests here; the doors are closed.
Priest Maxi:   Oh for the love of God! Are you all saying that you've engaged in inappropriate relations with your altar boys? We are here to bring the light of God, not harm the innocent! [the other priests look at him and laugh] I'm serious!

O padre de South Park fica preocupado com a conduta dos outros padres dos Estados Unidos e vai até o Vaticano pedir conselho.

[Inside the Vatican a choir sings softly in the background as Father Maxi awaits the pope. The room is full or prelates. The pope, hunched over and frail, approaches the altar with a group of bishops]
Italian Cardinal:   Your Holiness, this is Father Maxi from America. He has brought this all to our attention.
Father Maxi:   [kneels before the pope] Your Holiness. [kisses the ring and the pope moans a bit in pain. The cardinal helps the pope up to his chair, then turns amd approaches the pulpit.]
Italian Cardinal:   Adoramus te, Christe.
Other Cardinals:   Et dominus...
Italian Cardinal:   Cardinals, bishops, and priests, an American priest by the name of-a Maxi has brought to our attention the most troubling of news. All over his-a country there are reports of children being molested by men of the Chuch. If things continue this way, we'll never be able to have sex with young boys again! [the prelates react immediately, protesting the report]
Father Maxi:   That's right-wait. What?
French Cardinal:   In France as well we are finding it harder and harder to... make love to our boys.
Moroccan Cardinal:   In Morocco they have arrested five of my priests. It's only a matter of time before they get the rest of us.
Italian Cardinal:   Father Maxi, what do you suggest we do to not get caught.
Father Maxi:   Not get caught? NO!! I, I think what we should do is not have sex with boys! [the prelates protest again]
Italian Cardinal:   It is not written anywhere in the Holy Document of Vatican Law that sex with-a boys is wrong.

Passa um tempo e depois a cena volta ao Vaticano.

[St. Peter's Square, day. Father Maxi is trying to get his point across]
Priest Maxi:   Look, people! I'm just trying to say that if we don't change the Holy Document of Vatican Law, then we might lose everyone to atheism!
French Cardinal:   What exactly do you suggest we change, Father Maxi.
Priest Maxi:   Well, for one, no sex with boys.
[the prelates protest even louder]
Another Cardinal:   The Holy Document of Vatican Law states that a priest, bishop, or cardinal cannot get married, so where are we to get our sex?
Priest Maxi:   Uh well then, perhaps we could change the Holy Document of Vatican Law to say that... it's okay for a priest or bishop or cardinal to have sex... with women.
[the prelates protest even louder]

[Diegojaf]

Eu lembro que no fim do episódio vem uma aranha gigante que guarda o documento com as leis do vatica... é de rachar de rir

[Alenônimo]

Eu lembro que no fim do episódio vem uma aranha gigante que guarda o documento com as leis do vatica... é de rachar de rir

O Cartman descobre também que, se as pessoas comem pela boca e cagam pelo cú, então comendo pelo cú se caga pela boca. Bem legal também.

[Diegojaf]

Nesse primeiro episódio que você citou, o Cartamn também funda a própria religião, e faz uma porção de perguntas que os religiosos têm dificuldade de responder...

Exemplos...

- O Timmy nasceu retardado, e por isso não pode se confessar nem participar da 1ª comunhão. Ele vai pro inferno por isso?
- Kyle é judeu, logo, não foi batizado e nem vai fazer a 1ª Comunhão. ele vai pro inferno por isso?
- Kenny morreu antes de conseguir confessar seus pecados, Ele vai pro inferno por isso? (na verdade ele foi parar no México)

E a irmã Anne não consegue responder nenhuma dessas perguntas...